


Married Life Becomes You

by author_abz



Series: Dream Hockey Husbands [2]
Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Alternate Canon, Canon Compliant, Children, Fluff, Future Fic, Hockey Husbands, Kid Fic, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5400380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/author_abz/pseuds/author_abz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall and Logan have a dream life where they have two kids and Kendall's playing for the Stanley Cup. Reality's trying to catch up.</p><p>"Kendall is relaxed and happy for the first time tonight, Logan already asleep in his arms, and he’s able to fall asleep quickly into  blissful, painless sleep.<br/>---<br/>Kendall wakes up warm under blankets and comfortable among his pillows, but his bed feels cold and empty waking up in reality."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Married Life Becomes You

**Author's Note:**

> I am very excited for this fic and hope you will be too! I started writing it back when the Blackhawks were winning their 2015 Stanley Cup, and it became a THING. A thing that had been brewing in my head for a while and honestly, writing domestic bliss Daddies!Kendall and Logan... how could I resist?
> 
> Many blessings and thanks to Ashley for cheering me on and being there for me and telling me the smut was better than I gave myself credit for!
> 
> Please read this and enjoy the Kogan. Please. The Kogan. <3 <3 <3

“Kendall, stop smiling!” Gustavo yells for the fourth time that morning.

 

“Sorry!” He says, ducking his head, letting the smile fall from his face as he’s looking at his shoes.

 

“This song is about a breakup, so LOOK UPSET because you need to SOUND UPSET!”

 

“I get it, Gustavo!” Kendall says, eyes locked on him, keeping his face blank. Carlos and James glare at him suspiciously; Logan’s examining his sheet music very closely.

 

Gustavo glares back for a few seconds before messing with the controls and speaking into the mike, “Okay, BTR’s new hit single from the top, fifth try.”

 

Kendall’s expression remains solemn, or at least neutral, for most of the song. A few times when he finishes his line he takes a half step back from the mike, covering his mouth with a hand and looking at the floor.

 

The music in their headphones stops and they’ve made it through the whole song without Gustavo yelling. Usually that’s a good sign.

 

“Acceptable.” He says, at which James lets out a low groan, covering his entire face with his hands. “Now get out until I can figure out what to do with you.”

 

The four of them hang up their headphones and file out obediently. Kendall can feel the anger radiating out toward him as they make their way to the lounge. He doesn’t manage to plop down onto the couch before James bursts out, “What the hell, Kendall? Why are you smiling? And don’t say it’s nothing!”

 

“I’m not smiling!” Kendall yelps out.

 

“ _Dude_.” Carlos lowers his voice and raises his eyebrows at him as they both plop down. “You’ve been smiling since breakfast!”

 

“What?” Kendall ends up laughing out. “Am I not allowed to be in a good mood?”

 

“No!” James shouts as Kelly walks in behind him.

 

“Kendall, what is going on with you? We need to get this song recorded and you’re being completely unprofessional! Now why can’t you stop smiling?”

 

“It’s nothing!”

 

“Liar!” James yells, pointing at him accusingly before re-crossing his arms.

 

“I have an idea.” Logan says, raising his hand, eyes closed. “But I _hope_ I’m wrong.”

 

Kendall doesn’t say anything, just looks up at Logan, that same small smile on his face. “Well?” Kelly asks after a few seconds go by.

 

Logan tries to glare down at Kendall and smiles in exasperation instead. “It’s that stupid dream, isn’t it?”

 

“It wasn’t a _stupid_ dream.”

 

James cuts off Kendall. “What, you have one stupid ‘happy’ wet dream and now you can’t stop-”

 

“No! James - no.” Kendall jumps up in front of him, hands up.

 

Logan rolls his eyes at the pair of them. “He had a dream he was winning the Stanley Cup and his kids were there.”

 

“Whoa,” Carlos jumps up excitedly. “You won the Stanley Cup? Even in a dream, that’s awesome, man!” he claps him on the back in congratulations.

 

James’s face has fallen slack, his eyes lighting up. “Dude.”

 

“Thanks, James.”

 

“So you dreamed you won the Stanley Cup? So what? Realize that you _haven’t_ , get all sad about it and come record the song.”

 

Kendall nods at Kelly in response as Carlos and James gasp, their hands over their hearts in horror.

 

“Just let us know when Gustavo’s ready!” Logan calls out after her, which acts as a neutralizer, and everyone is friends again.

 

* * *

 

 

They don’t go back to recording the breakup song - which is good, because Kendall’s sure he can’t stop smiling. Instead they record some touch-up background harmonies and have a very long, detailed meeting with their marketing team. By dinner, everyone’s brain is full of numbers, flowcharts, test group responses, pie charts, and weird symbols they can’t understand no matter how many times Susan explains them. The boys’ brains all feel foggy, weighing them all down, but Kendall is still smiling as they traipse into 2J.

 

“Mama Knight,” Carlos starts to whine as he plops down on the couch.

 

“Dinner’ll be ready in two minutes, Carlos; you boys can go wash up.”

 

James and Carlos trot obediently to the bathroom, but as Kendall sits up he notices Logan still lying down, staring at the ceiling. He pokes him a few times in the shoulder and on the chest as Logan fends him off. “Hey, c’mon - have you died?”

 

Logan smiles and pushes Kendall’s hands off him again. “I’m just thinking about all that research they did.”

 

“Uuuugh,” Kendall cuts him off with a groan, “You understood all of that?”

 

“Not all of it! Just some of it,” Logan catches Kendall raising his eyebrows at him and pokes back at him. “There was some interesting stuff they told us!”

 

Kendall just laughs at his earnest defense of facts and settles into the couch next to him. “Hey -” he says into the now comfortable silence. “Thanks for lying about my dream.”

 

“I didn’t lie. I mean - I _assumed_ you were talking about your kids - which you could have told me about, by the way. That’s not weird or anything …”

 

“Well, _technically_ you lied about me winning the Stanley Cup - I said I was _going_ to - they are very different things.”

 

Logan scoffs at him and Kendall’s pretty sure he’s not just smiling right now, he’s beaming, and he can’t stop. He’s telling himself to be cool when Logan says, “Okay. You’re welcome for lying.”

 

Carlos and James make their way out of the bathroom and his mom is setting the table, prompting Kendall to get up to join them, but he stops at Logan’s voice. “I still don’t get what’s so great about _not yet_ winning the Stanley Cup.” The words are nonchalant, off-hand, but they pierce Kendall in the heart.

 

He makes himself sit up and look at Logan, who’s just laying down, calmly contemplating the ceiling. “It’s called domestic bliss.” He wants to leave it there and get up to leave, but Logan looks at him, eyes lit up in interest. He takes a deep breath, held in place by Logan’s eyes. “They were _so excited_ to wake me up, that they got to come to my game that night…” Kendall looks down at his hands. “I was a Dad. No matter what happened, win or lose, they were there - believing that I could.”

 

Kendall glances back to Logan, who is still watching him intently. “I’m just saying - it felt great to be - to be that - part of a family, knowing they loved me no matter what…” He trails off, knowing if he keeps talking he’ll give himself away, accidentally gushing about Logan as a loving husband, kissing him goodbye and parenting their kids.

 

He clears his throat and looks back at his friend, his heart bursting. Logan’s eyebrows are knitted together, not in confusion, but in contemplation. His eyes are boring into Kendall, and Kendall’s pretty sure he can read his thoughts he knows him so well. It makes his heart race. He thinks Logan’s about to say something, but he can see him re-thinking his words a few times before he smiles a little. Then he says, so soft only Kendall can hear, “That sounds nice.”

 

All Kendall can do is return the small smile and nod at him before getting up to join James, Carlos, Katie, and his Mom. He eats dinner with everyone, small smile firmly in place for the rest of the night, a small, irrepressible bubble of joy expanding slowly through him. No one notices anything out of the ordinary - not even Logan. Although Kendall very purposefully avoids looking at him all night, so maybe he does.

 

 

* * *

 

Kendall has his eyes closed, breathing steadily in and out, letting his muscles and his senses align naturally, operating slowly but steadily as he moves around the rink. The smells in the air, the ice’s chill and the feel of it under his skates. His muscles are the ones being difficult - they’re more tense than he wants them to be, and he has a few key bruises littering his torso and thighs that throb a little more than he’d like.

 

“Knight, fucking stop it! I hate it when you skate blind.” Jakes yells at him and Kendall smiles, speeding up and over towards him.

 

“Jealous?”

 

“No, it just freaks me out. We don’t need you broken any more.”

 

“I’m not broken, Zigs.” Kendall skates off to really start his drills and tells himself the same thing. Yeah, he’s a little rundown, but they’re warming up for game six in the series - they’re playing for the Cup. He’s not captain, not officially, not yet - so he follows lead, and he focuses on his team and his line - he avoids looking at the other team’s warm-up. There’s no room in his head to micro-analyze them right now - the Penguins are the best team in the east, and he needs to focus on _his_ game.

 

He looks up to the stands briefly - excited fans in black and gold - and he spots Carlos and James, which hurts more than an arena full of Pittsburg fans. Logan and the kids can’t come tonight since they’re out of town, it’s a school night and his husband’s on call. With difficulty he pulls his head back to the ice and focuses on feeling and knowing where his teammates are in motion around him as he skates in large, looping circles, warming up.

 

Kendall knows stretching will hurt like a bitch no matter what, so he saves it for last. Concentrating on his muscles he can hear the team trainer and Logan in his head, discussing his body. His husband’s telling him to be gentle, warning against further injuring himself, but his trainer is telling him to extend as much as possible - because he’s likely to go all out during the game, and it’s safer to be stretched. He stretches through until just the right amount of pain, and when he skates into the locker room he’s feeling okay. He feels competent.

 

* * *

 

Logan’s torn between wishing he was busier and wishing his work would slow down to a crawl, so he’d either be able to ignore the hockey game happening or hunker down in a room to watch every second of it. Instead, he’s anxiously stopping at the nurses’ station where they turned on a feed for him - still in the pre-game chatter, but he can see - and knows the players are warming up behind the commentators. He just popped into two different patient’s rooms where the hockey pre-game is on, and at least one person in each room noticed how distracted he was by the TV on behind him. He blushes and apologizes, trying to explain that he’s a really big fan of the Wild, but he can compartmentalize, he promises, and they have his full attention. When he asks if they have any questions, the young daughter of one of his patients asks who his favorite player is. “Daddy says it’s mean to pick favorites, but Knight’s _my_ favorite. You know Kendall Knight, right?”

 

Logan smiles and ducks his head. “Yeah, I do - he’s definitely my favorite. I love him.”

 

The girl nods enthusiastically and Logan acknowledges the rest of the room with a reassuring smile before leaving the room. “Daddy!” He swings around just in time to catch his daughter in mid-air.

 

“Hey!” He sees Katie patiently holding the hand of his son in front of the nurses’ station. “What are you doing here?”

 

His daughter just throws her arms around his neck, resting her head against his shoulder. His son pulls Katie closer, reaching into Logan’s pocket with his free hand, saying, “We have to wish him luck!”

 

Katie answers his confused look at her, rolling her eyes. “They seem to think that they have to call Papa or the game will be a disaster.”

 

His son has found his phone in his pants pocket at this point and is pulling on his shirt. “Daddy, we have to wish him luck!”

 

Katie jumps in again, taking the phone out of his hand. “I told them that we could come and see Daddy and see what he says - then it’s home to watch the game.”

 

“Thing One,” Logan asks, his phone in his free hand, care of his sister-in-law. “Was this your idea?” Both kids shake their heads, smiling impishly. “No? Thing Two?”

 

She nods, smiling briefly before replacing her head in the crook of Logan’s neck. Katie just rolls her eyes in his direction over his son’s eager head, bobbing up and down in excitement. He knows she brought them both here because she couldn’t outright say no to them, letting him tell them ‘no’ instead of taking on that responsibility herself. Instead, Logan moves back behind the counter so he can see the stream of the game. One of the nurses comes around, telling the kids how adorable they are, trying to get a smile out of them. He checks the screen again and then his watch. “Alright, c’mere.”

 

Both Thing One and Thing Two are on him now as he slouches secretively down into the computer chair there, opening his phone. “He might not answer,” Logan implores of his children as they crowd around his phone pressed to his ear. Katie rolls her eyes again, and he tries not to smile as his husband’s phone rings.

 

* * *

 

The locker room is eerily quiet after coach leaves the floor to the captain, who only says, “This is our game. Let’s go win it!”

 

Kendall’s going through adjusting all of his equipment out of nerves, tightening and retightening straps, taking his gloves off only to put them back on. The guys around him are standing up, congregating toward the door when he hears his phone buzz. The screen brightens with a picture of Logan and the kids, the name “Husband” at the top, and he rips off his glove again.

 

“Hey,” he breathes into his phone, closing his eyes to block out nearby prying teammates.

 

“Papa, Papa!” He hears his son shout through the phone.

 

Then Logan says, “Hey babe, Thing One and Thing Two wanted to call and-”

 

“Good luck, Papa!” his son shouts again.

 

“Thanks, bud!” Kendall answers, smiling.

 

“Soph - Sophia it’s your turn now…” Logan is clearly coaxing their daughter toward the phone, and the image of it popping into Kendall’s head makes his grin widen. “This was your idea.”

 

“Papa?” The timid voice of his daughter asks, “Papa good luck.”

 

“Thank you, sweetie.”

 

The phone passes back to Logan, which Kendall can tell because he hears his daughter screech, his son go, “Daddy!” and Logan saying “Papa’s busy, okay?”

 

“So, they wanted to wish you luck, and I did too. So… good luck, Kendall.”

 

“Thanks, Logan.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Kendall presses his face into his phone with a sigh. “I love you too, Logan.”

 

Hanging up he pulls his glove back on, and stands up to join his teammates in line, confidently stepping out onto the ice.

 

* * *

 

Kendall wakes up with a smile on his face, and a pillow thrown at his head. “Morning asshole,” he hears Logan groan.

 

“Morning.”

 

“I hate you.” Logan grumbles as Kendall sits up, stretching and rubbing his eyes. “I dreamed I had kids - just like you said.” He pauses to look over at Kendall, still grinning widely, and adds, “I mean I was a successful doctor - but _still_ , I had _kids_.”

 

When Kendall gets all of the sleepers out of his eyes and stands up to start the day, Logan is still untangling himself from his blankets, shaking his head. “Well, Doctor Logan, was it at least a _happy_ dream?”

 

“What?” Logan falls out of bed, looking up clearly at Kendall.

 

“I mean, if you dreamed your kids were terrible monsters, who scream all the time - I’m sorry I gave you the kids idea.” Kendall smiles cheekily down at an open-mouthed Logan. After a pause where he doesn’t respond, Kendall keeps going, “But if they were adorable and you woke up happy about it, then you’re welcome.” He throws a pillow back at Logan’s head, which gets him tripped, and then they’re fighting with pillows and blankets in early morning slow motion, laughing at each other until Mama Knight yells that it’s time to get up.

 

Logan hollers back, “Be there in a second,” before throwing one last pillow in Kendall’s direction, which he catches easily.

 

“She does know we’re adults who can get up by ourselves, right?” Kendall grumbles.

 

“C’mon, she just loves to nurture.” Kendall raises his eyebrows and tilts his head over at him and he concedes. “Okay, so maybe she still thinks we’re teenagers, but she _does_ love to over-mother.”

 

Kendall pulls on a plaid flannel on over his tee, then leans by the door, waiting for Loan to put his pants on properly. “Well, we’re _adults_ \- we could all move out if we wanted to.”

 

“Yeah, and think of all the kids you could have then!” Kendall’s eyes go wide as he jerks his head around, scowl off his face. “You’re obsessed with having kids - admit it.”

 

“I’m not _obsessed_.”

 

“So you didn’t have a dream you had kids last night?”

 

Kendall opens and closes his mouth a few times before answering. “I dreamed I was playing in the Stanley Cup Final… and my kids called and wished me luck.”

 

Logan’s grin is a little tighter than it was a second before, but he still raises his eyebrows mockingly as he pushes him out the door of their bedroom. “But it still made you _really happy_ , didn’t it?”

 

He shoves him into the hallway wall lightly then says, “Yes, it did. Being a hockey star Dad makes me _happy_. Is that _bad_?”

 

They plop down at the kitchen table, where everyone else looks up, ranging from a really annoyed Mama Knight, kind of annoyed and frustrated Carlos and James, and a slightly amused, frustrated, and annoyed Katie.

 

“It’s bad when you don’t come in for breakfast when I call!” Mrs. Knight says, setting down their plates with an extra loud _thunk_.

 

“Sorry Mom. But -”

 

“We were just talking.” Logan cuts in, smiling at Jennifer.

 

“You can talk out here.” Carlos says.

 

“I didn’t say it was a _good_ conversation, did I?”

 

“So you’re _fighting_ first thing in the morning?” Jen practically screams at them.

 

Kendall answers sarcastically, nodding as he starts to eat. “Yes. That’s exactly what’s happening.” Logan kicks him under the table, and Kendall glares back.

 

“Dude, what is up with you?” Katie asks. “First you’re all crazy happy, then you’re arguing with Logan in the morning? What the heck?”

 

Kendall takes a second to glare at his sister, but James jumps in, saying, “I don’t care what kind of mood he’s in, he just better be able to sing like he’s sad today.”

 

“Yeah, otherwise Gustavo will be pissed,” Carlos says, his mouth full.

 

Kendall rolls his eyes, smiling. “Don’t worry, guys, it’ll be fine.”

 

“If not, we’re allowed to kick your ass, right?” Logan asks, smiling.

 

Kendall just kicks him lightly under the table while everyone else nods. “Let’s just be professionals,” he says before ignoring everyone as he eats the rest of his eggs.

 

* * *

 

Everything is normal and professional to start in the studio. There’s even a full recording of the song where no one yells and Carlos and Kelly nod in agreement that the song sounds good. Gustavo squints at them and into the air around them before asking them to start again.

 

He turns the music off before they reach the second verse. “Stop. Boys... this song… it’s not just a sad, my girlfriend just broke up with me song. It’s a heart-crushing, make everyone who listens to it want to cry song! You’re supposed to be desperate and broken and hopeless - but that’s not what I’m hearing - somebody has hope!”

 

“Damnit, Kendall!” James throws his headphones down angrily.

 

“No,” Kelly wrinkles her nose and points to Kendall. “I was listening for him - his voice broke and I teared up - it’s not him.”

 

“Aw, thanks,” Kendall says, a hand on his chest, eyes closed, the picture of false modesty.

 

“I hate you, I hate you so much.” Logan mutters, his eyes closed.

 

“Yeah, I hate him too,” James chimes in, but Kendall’s laughing.

 

“Wait,” Carlos says, “If it’s not Kendall who is it?”

 

“It’s me!” Logan bursts out. “I have hope!” He glares at Kendall and starts pushing him. “And it’s all your fault!”

 

Kendall just keeps chuckling as Logan attacks him, putting up his arms and dancing around to avoid his hits, but Gustavo and Kelly exchange glances, eyebrows raised. “Stop hitting each other!” Gustavo says, exasperated.

 

“What do you mean it’s his fault?” Kelly asks.

 

But Logan doesn’t answer, giving one final shove before saying again. “I hate you so much,” and crossing his arms, eyes shut tight.

 

Kendall clasps his hands in front of him and pretends to think, “Well, let’s just say my happiness from yesterday transferred over to his subconscious, so now _he_ is all happy.”

 

“I never said I was happy.”

 

“Well you are.” Kendall says in a high voice, smiling in Logan’s face. He opens his eyes and tries to scowl back at him, but his mouth twitches upward in the face of Kendall’s smile, and he storms out of the booth.

 

“Okay.” Gustavo says slowly. “We’ll record you individually, and … piece it together later. Kendall - you first,” he leans over to whisper to Kelly, “I don’t want him to lose it.”

 

“Sorry, Gustavo,” Kendall grins, chuckling, “I’m way too happy _now_.” He slips out of the booth before he can hear Gustavo yelling at him, following where he thinks Logan went.

 

He finds his friend stretched out on the couch in the lounge area, both arms thrown over his face. For a split second Kendall has the urge to straddle him at the waist, but pushes the impulse down, reasoning that it wouldn’t help anything, and wouldn’t even be that funny. Instead he just crouches down to sit right next to Logan’s head, positioning himself on the floor.

 

“Being happy isn’t a bad thing, y’know.” Logan groans in response, not moving his arms, so Kendall goes on. “You should be thanking me - I know you want kids but you’re nowhere close to -”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“What? I’m just - ”

 

“I’m not mad because - I mean yeah, that sucks - I don’t care about being happy because we - I - had kids.”

 

Kendall scrunches his face up, focusing on the little muscle pulling at Logan’s jaw he can see in the gap between his arms, trying to ignore the jump in his stomach from the phrase ‘we had kids’ coming out of Logan’s mouth. ' _He knows you had a dream too, idiot_ ,' a tiny voice reminds him. “What do you mean?”

 

“Being happy about kids is fine - I’m just - I was a _doctor_ , Kendall. I was at work, at a hospital, seeing patients and helping them, and then my kids came in and I…” Logan’s voice dies in his throat and Kendall actually reaches out to put a comforting hand on him before he makes himself pull it back.

 

“Logan... ” Kendall says quietly, “You can still _be_ a doctor.”

 

He scoffs loudly. “ _How_? I’m already supposed to be in college - taking the MCAT and applying to med school. The Palm Woods' bare minimum high school isn’t going to impress anybody, and neither will a washed-up, too old pop star.”

 

“That’s not true,” Kendall chokes out, but Logan doesn’t even hear him.

 

“You’re right, though -” he says, meeting Kendall’s eyes. “The kids were the best part - being Daddy - holding them, them looking up to me…” He actually smiles a little at Kendall then. “I know I don’t have kids and won’t for _years_ probably, but it’s a good picture to have.” Logan trails off, looking back at the ceiling, arm over his forehead.

 

Kendall just watches him a few seconds before it clicks for him. “That’s your hope.” He whispers out involuntarily. Logan lets out a little snort of laughter and nods without looking back at Kendall.

 

Kendall’s at a complete loss for words, but he’s still glued to the spot, trying to swallow down the stickiness in his throat and keep the ache in his chest from overtaking him. Every inch of him wants to move and wrap his entire self around Logan - anything to make him feel better. Something to make him see that he can hope for _everything_ , that nothing is impossible, and Kendall will do whatever he can to make Logan feel better. Instead Kendall’s body is frozen where he sits, his body desperately stopping him from closing the distance between them even as his whole body aches for Logan. Several comforting phrases jump into Kendall’s mind, from ‘hope is a good thing,’ ‘you can do anything you put your mind to,’ ‘I can’t stand to see you like this,’ to ‘let me know if I can do anything to help,’ and ‘I’m here for you.’ But none of them are enough.

 

It occurs to Kendall what he wants to tell Logan is that he’d marry him and have kids with him in a heartbeat if he wanted. Consciously realizing that is so shocking to Kendall it hits him like a physical blow, knocking him down and away from Logan, still wallowing on the couch. To cover for his obvious fumble, Kendall uses the motion to stand up, hoping it looks like he meant to do that. Logan only really notices once his footsteps echo in the hallway, and he says, “Tell them I’ll be ready to be hopeless in a few minutes - I’m fine.”

 

Kendall nods even though Logan can’t see him, and makes a beeline for the sound booth to mime to Kelly that Logan will be ready to sing soon and he’s going to be in a different room. She gives him the thumbs up, and turns back to Gustavo and the controls, allowing Kendall to slink off alone. He shuts himself in an abandoned studio room and slinks down into a giant plush chair on the floor, apathetically grabbing a nearby guitar.

 

Kendall sits a while in silence, his hands over his face, willing that no one will come looking for him. After the silence starts to hurt, pressing in on him, he takes the guitar and strums for something to do with his hands. He isn’t playing a song or writing one, but the melancholy chords he finds with his fingers end up compelling him to press the ‘record’ button on one of the machines nearby. Even after several hours no one comes in to get him.

 

* * *

 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Katie’s helping Kendall fix dinner and set the table on Mama Knight’s orders, and he’s happy to ignore her, stirring the pot of sauce.

 

“Kendall,” she says again, standing directly in front of him, blocking his way back to the stove. “What’s going on with you and Logan? What happened?”

 

He doesn’t look at her, forcing his way past her, saying, “Nothing happened. Nothing’s going on.”

 

Katie scoffs, turning back to him. “You guys have been acting weird all day - and you were annoyingly chipper at breakfast - _something happened_.”

 

Kendall glares, saying, “Recording was a pain today - so what?”

 

As Kendall turns to get some salt, Katie cuts in to turn off the burners and put lids on the pots. “Kelly called and told me you were acting weird and recording weird moody music after you recorded the song in like one take. She wanted to know what’s wrong, and so do I.” She stands in front of him with her arms crossed, her face set. Looking at her, his tenseness drains out of him, his shoulders slouching and his face falling.

 

He looks helplessly around them, making sure they’re alone before he says anything. “Logan and I have both had dreams where we had kids,” Kendall starts in a low voice, concentrating on the shoulder of Katie’s shirt. “And we talked about it today and it got weird and depressing.”

 

Katie’s scrunching up her face, “Why is that weird _or_ depressing? You want kids, so what?”

 

In the same hushed voice Kendall adds, “I was a professional hockey player and he was a doctor.” He meaningfully looks at her with wide eyes, but she just raises her eyebrows and shrugs her shoulders. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes he adds slowly, “Logan’s dating Camille and I’m dating Jo… neither of them want kids right now - or ever.”

 

He gives her the same wide eyed look, but she just stares blankly back at him. Kendall sighs again, standing up straight and glances around the apartment briefly. “I’m not gonna spell it out for you, little sister. You’re too smart for that.”

 

Katie looks offended as he turns back to the stove, a tightness in his shoulders again, but she doesn’t bug him about it. Two hours later with everyone sitting around the table eating dessert, Katie yells out “Oh my God!” Everyone looks up at her quizzically, but she looks at Kendall.

 

He kicks her under the table as their Mom chastises, “ _Katie_!”

 

She puts her hands over her face, ignoring their Mom and pretending to ignore everyone else too. As if to herself she says mournfully, “I get it now. I was stupid.”

 

Kendall tries to kick her again, but misses, hitting Logan instead, if his face is anything to go by. They lock eyes for a split second before Kendall looks away, embarrassed. He doesn’t look at Logan again all night.

 

* * *

 

There are days when Kendall loves his job, that he can’t believe he gets to travel the world and play hockey professionally - but it’s very hard to remember on days like today. It was supposed to be the game where they won the Cup; instead they got beaten so severely coach doesn’t have anything to yell at them or any mantras they should keep in mind between games. The whole team had taken his dead silence relatively well; their own internal defeat echoed off the walls of the locker room and showers as they pack up and leave Pittsburgh. Getting on the bus and to the airport they hold their heads high - professionally undeterred.

 

Kendall doesn’t fall asleep on the bus or the plane back to Minnesota. He’s too wired mentally, and physically he’s a wreck. He didn’t only overdo it with a few of his already injured muscles, but he decided to get into it with Crosby, which is to say - Crosby and Malkin. By now he should know better than to pick a fist-fight with two of the best in the league, but it’s hard to always be rational on the ice when you’re fouled and the referee is bias - he can’t always be rational in the heat of the game when his blood is hot.

 

Logan would tell him that it’s always possible to be rational. Kendall’s had the conversation too many times with his husband to not know exactly what they’d both say. Logan would start off by telling him that there’s always a moment before a fight where  you consciously decide to start fighting and he can choose to not get a penalty; or bruised knuckles, or a cut lip and black eye. Then Kendall will respond that when he’s playing hockey his mind is already in fight mode because he’s competing - and besides, it’s not like he’s always the one who starts it.

 

Even though he definitely did tonight - he just wants to skip ahead to the part where his husband is endlessly comforting and worries over his wounds. Of course, he’s sure that it won’t happen tonight, even with the time difference between Pittsburgh and home.

 

He’s sure Logan’s worked all day, and he’ll be exhausted after not only having the kids by himself, but wrangling them through watching a hockey game he was in that went poorly. So the whole house should be asleep, and Kendall’s okay with that. Creeping into a quiet house, going to kiss the kids goodnight before crawling in next to his husband, it’s enough. The thought gets him through the plane and bus ride, pushing away thoughts of hockey and his fresh bruises. When he gets away from his teammates and in his car headed home he starts to feel the bruises and the ache of his sore knee, and he’s thinking about what he needs to change for their next game, what the team needs to work on to get the puck in the net.

 

Walking in the front door it actually takes him a few seconds to realize there’s a faint light on in the living room. He follows it over and sees Logan awake in an arm chair, papers in stacks all around him, pen in hand and his face scrunched up.

 

“Hey.” Logan looks up and his frown dissolves into light surprise and suppressed worry.

 

“Hey,” Logan sets aside his pen and - Kendall can see now, patient files - and gets up to hug him. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

 

“I didn’t want to wake up a sleeping house,” Kendall says into his husband’s hair, smiling.

 

Logan kisses him on the cheek before taking the bag off of his shoulder and padding quietly away on stocking feet to put it away. “I told the kids they could stay up until you got home, but they both fell asleep on the couch, so they’re in bed now.”

 

Kendall follows him as he puts the things away from his overnight bag in the laundry room, then back to the living room to turn off the light. He walks up behind him and wraps his arms around him again. “I’m sorry I got in a fight,” he whispers.

 

“You don’t have to be,” Logan says, reaching back for him.

 

“I was too sloppy with the puck and got ahead of myself so I didn’t -”

 

“Shut up, Kendall.” Logan says, turning around in his grip to face him. “You’re done with hockey tonight. Right now I’m your husband, not a teammate or coach or anything - I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

 

“Does that mean you aren’t going to check for bruises?”

 

Logan presses his face into his neck and presses a soft kiss there. “No, I’m definitely checking your bruises.” He says matter-of-factly, tugging Kendall after him up the stairs to the master bedroom. Logan’s already in sweatpants, socks, and a worn t-shirt of Kendall’s as pajamas, and the first thing he does is to grab Kendall’s out of the dresser.

 

Kendall lets Logan force him out of his suit and as much as he wants to - waits to lie down on the bed. Sometimes Logan will relent and let him lie down as he checks bruises and joints and the cut he inevitably has over his eye. Except tonight was too big of a game, and too many bad hits for Logan to be anything but worried - and he knows his husband and routine - if Kendall went to lie down he wouldn’t argue, but he would fuss ten times more about looking at his ribs from the right angle and making sure that bruise isn’t actually an internal bleed because the lighting is off.

 

Luckily, Logan’s had several in-depth discussions with the team’s trainers, so he trusts them with Kendall’s immediate health. Still, as much as he’s grown to trust them, Logan still likes to check (and Kendall prefers that too - for his really sensitive bruises and the ones in odd places). And Kendall knows his husband isn’t checking him out because he honestly thinks he’s hurt - he’s checking his husband to stop worrying. Kendall was there so he couldn’t see the hits, but he knows they must have looked terrible.

 

Kendall feels awful about that.

 

“Logan,” Kendall says softly as he’s checking the marks around his chest. “I’m sorry I started it with Crosby - I know it was stupid, and honestly - I wasn’t even hoping Malkin would get a penalty for it.” He lets out a deep breath. “I was just _so angry_ at us for playing so bad and _angry_ that they’d get to win the Cup again.”

 

He looks down at Logan, whose face is focused, but blank. “Crosby and Malkin?”

 

“Yeah, it’s stupid, but I hate that they’ve already won the Cup and I haven’t - that they should get it twice -” he stops talking lamely as Logan hugs him gently, face in the crook of his neck, done with his once-over.

 

“I’m not mad you got in a fight,” Logan says quietly into his collarbone. He hums lightly into Kendall’s skin before tugging him over to bed, not taking his hands off of him.

 

Logan crawls into bed after Kendall, and it’s all he needs to fall into a dead sleep - knowing Logan isn’t mad and doesn’t blame him - wrapped around him, fitting neatly into Kendall.

 

Fitted neatly together, Logan says in the same quiet, careful voice, “I am kind of mad you think Crosby and Malkin - if they win it’s the end for you.”

 

Kendall shifts slightly to see the small frown and two lines between his forehead. He opens his mouth to ask what the heck Logan’s talking about, but he’s cut off by Logan opening his mouth first. “You have something they don’t.”

 

He waits for Logan to go on, and when he doesn’t, asks, “U.S. citizenship?”

 

Logan rolls his eyes, which Kendall takes as a good sign. “No - I mean, yes - but that’s not what I was talking about.”

 

He waits, knowing it’s important to Logan, but too tired and reeling from the loss to guess, he leans his forehead against Logan’s. When he doesn’t say anything for a few seconds he asks, “What?”

 

“Me,” Logan breathes out. “No matter what happens next game - you come home to two kids who adore you and a husband who loves you more than anything.” He scoots back enough they can see each other’s whole face. “What do they have?” He pauses almost like he’s waiting for him to answer, but Kendall’s holding his breath, waiting for Logan to answer. “A Cup they get one day and don’t get to keep? Each other? Not off the ice - not like _this_.”

 

He moves his hands up and down his back and moves his body a little closer, almost nuzzling up to him to prove his point. “We don’t know -” Kendall says quietly on principle, because they _don’t_.

 

“Your athlete gaydar is never wrong. Shut up - it doesn’t matter.”

 

“I’m sure it matters to them.”

 

Logan dips his fingernails into Kendall’s back for a second. It brings him back to the reality where they’re having this conversation in bed, not crowded around the kitchen island eating breakfast and assembling lunches. “You’re right.”

 

“I know I’m right,” Logan says quietly, his hands tracing up and down Kendall’s back.

 

“I love you.” Kendall says with feeling, watching Logan’s eyes. he doesn’t need him to say it back because he can see it in his face and feel it in the breaths separating them. He pushes forward, closing the centimeters between them and kisses his husband.

 

Logan kisses him back, matching his intensity, pushing back while trailing his fingers softly through his hair and down his torso. It sends tingles down Kendall’s spine and the world around him falls away, leaving just him and Logan in the moment.

 

They usually don’t have sex on game nights, but right now all Kendall can think about is how much he loves Logan and how much he wants him. He pushes until Logan is on his back underneath Kendall so he’s straddling him. He grinds against him slowly, moving his lips down to suck at Logan’s neck, a hand pushing up his t-shirt.

 

Logan moans, arching his hips up into Kendall, but a second later he says, high and breathy, “Wait… no.”

 

Kendall removes his lips from their spot on his husband’s neck and faceplants into the pillow next to Logan’s head. “What? Why?”

 

A low, frustrated groan comes from Logan’s throat as he presses back up into Kendall. Kendall turns his head to him and Logan kisses him steadily, a hand in his hair and the other on his hip just above the waistband of his boxers. Without breaking their kiss he flips them so now he’s on top of Kendall, kissing him slowly and carefully until he presses his hips up to try and grind on Logan again.

 

He breaks off the kiss and sits up, hands resting gently on his ribcage. “You’re _hurt_ , Kendall. We can’t.” He smiles at Kendall pouting, tracing with his fingers the lines on his face and around his lips, then he grins. “But I can.”

 

Kendall can’t object or ask for clarification before Logan scoots down and kisses him reverently on his collar bone, just above his left nipple. He takes the time to stop and kiss every bruise across his ribs and makes sure to leave a wet kiss at the top of Kendall’s happy trail before licking down into the waistband of his boxers.

 

Kendall moans, lifting up his hips to meet Logan and help him get his boxers off. He still really wants to fuck Logan, to _really_ fuck Logan - but after the extreme care he took on the way to Kendall’s hard dick, there’s no chance he’ll allow it. It’s not like Kendall’s about to stop him - especially seeing the determined look in Logan’s eyes, but the moment feels so much bigger than a one-sided blowjob.

 

Logan sucks on the very tip of his dick, his hand at the base. Kendall moans and moves a hand into Logan’s hair and gives it a small tug so that he moans on his dick. Logan smirks up at him a second later before he trails his tongue around his tip before licking a stripe down his length. He mouths his way back up, big wet hot kisses all the way up before licking down the other side.

 

He brings a hand up to meet his hips, going softly over Kendall’s warm skin, trailing down to cup his balls. Kendall tugs a little more forcefully on his hair, groaning, and Logan does move his mouth to the end of his dick, sucking gently. Kendall’s tempted to buck up into his mouth, because usually Logan draws it out, teasing him until he’s begging for it, but tonight Logan’s eyes are dark and heavy with desire. From this angle he can’t see Logan’s dick, but he knows he’s as hard as he is.

 

All he does is moan a little breathlessly and tighten his hold on Logan’s hair, and Logan takes him all the way into his mouth. Kendall works on breathing as Logan’s hands move so one of them rests on his hipbone, the other on his opposite thigh. Kendall tugs again at his hair when he can breathe regularly, and Logan moves his mouth back out, dragging his teeth a little. He gets into a rhythm going up and down Kendall’s dick, ignoring the tugging on his hair and the high pitched whining noises coming from his husband’s mouth. But he does keep his eyes up to watch Kendall’s face.

 

He watches Kendall gasp, moan, and mouth his name, his eyes screwed tightly shut. One of Kendall’s hands is firmly in Logan’s hair, the other clenched onto the hand at his hip, and he starts to move his hand against it as Logan swipes his tongue to the same pattern. It makes Kendall open his eyes and meet his gaze, and sees the dark, heated, determined look in his eyes - and it has the desired effect on Kendall. Head thrown back again he arches his back and bucks his hips up, moaning out, “Logan!” loudly.

 

“Logan, I’m - !”

 

And Logan knows, he knows his husband and when he jerks his hips up into his mouth, pressing down on his head, he braces for it, sucking him off to the last, swallowing his cum as he slides his mouth off his dick. He doesn’t even bother licking his lips as he slides up Kendall’s body, pulling a blanket up with him. Still breathing heavily, Kendall grabs at him before they’re even with each other, reaching into his boxers with one hand and shoving them down with the other.

 

Logan tries to keep moving up the bed, lamely pushing his husband’s hands away, shaking his head. “Kendall - wait - no - _oh_.”

 

He freezes at a twist of Kendall’s wrist, his fingers firm on Logan’s hard dick.

 

“I’m fine - you get this.” And it’s enough to get Logan’s hands to stop half-heartedly pushing his away, instead grabbing onto his upper arms to steady himself. It doesn’t take very much, stroking him lightly and then tightly, before Logan comes, moaning Kendall’s name into his collarbone.

 

He reaches blindly toward the nightstand for something to clean up with, Logan scootching up to their pillows. Logan lets Kendall clean him up quickly, then reaches down and pulls his boxers back on. Then he snuggles into Kendall’s open arms, Kendall pulling him tight in to himself.

 

“I love you.” Kendall whispers into Logan’s hair.

 

“I love you too.” Logan says into Kendall’s bare skin.

 

Kendall is relaxed and happy for the first time tonight, Logan already asleep in his arms, and he’s able to fall asleep quickly into a blissful, painless sleep.

 

* * *

 

Kendall wakes up warm under blankets and comfortable among his pillows, but his bed feels cold and empty waking up in reality. He doesn’t need to check if his boxers are wet because he knows they aren’t, no matter how hot his dream was. He can hear Logan moving around their room and it makes his heart ache. He tries to pretend he’s still asleep so Logan will go out to breakfast without asking him anything.

 

Logan knows him too well, though, and throws a pillow at his head. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

 

“No,” Kendall moans, rolling over, pulling the covers and pillow over his head.

 

Logan jumps on the bed next to him. “Oh, c’mon,” he says, poking at the blankets. “Are you sad? Did you not dream about your kids last night?” His voice starts out teasing, but it ends low and serious, a hand resting on his torso.

 

Kendall thinks about ignoring him, but Logan is being kind and serious now. “It’s not about the kids…” he says quietly, not moving the pillows or blankets.

 

“It’s not?” Logan asks just as quietly, his fingers fidgeting at Kendall’s side.

 

Kendall shakes his head underneath all the bedding. “The kids, and hockey, and winning the Cup - it was never about any of that.”

 

Logan gently removes pillows and blankets from his head, then asks him, “What was it about?”

 

He meets Logan’s eyes feeling the fragility of the air between them, able to break at any moment, and he can’t lie to him. “It was about the guy I was married to.”

 

“Oh,” Logan says, his voice and posture soft,  and Kendall can’t see if he’s imagining that his eyes are shiny because he can feel himself tearing up. He knows what his next question is and knows he can’t lie to him about it. “Who was it?”

 

Kendall takes a steadying breath before he admits, “You.” The air is frozen around them, Logan not moving, and Kendall goes on. “I was married to you, Logan - I’m sorry - I just -”

 

“Me?” Logan’s face is blank, and Kendall’s only able to answer him because he’s still sitting there, and he’s not mad.

 

“Yeah,” he answers quietly.

 

“Really?” And then Logan’s smiling down at him, a tear rolling down his face. Kendall doesn’t understand, but as he watches Logan’s smile light up his face as he nods, wiping absently at his tears, the knot in his chest starts to unclench, even as the weight in his chest gets heavier. Logan lets out a few nervous laughs, covering his mouth and wiping randomly at his face before his face and breathing are under control enough to say, “Good.” He smiles down at Kendall’s confused face a few seconds before he adds, “Me too.”

 

Then it clicks for Kendall. “Really?” He says, sitting up, the weight in his chest rapidly expanding so he feels he might burst, his smile stretched too wide as he tries to breathe out a sigh of relief and keep breathing normally at the same time.

 

Logan nods enthusiastically, reaching out to wipe the tears off of Kendall’s face. “Yeah. I - we - you - my husband. You were my husband.”

 

Kendall grins even more broadly, and they smile stupidly at each other before he says, “Good.”

 

Kendall and Logan both lean in toward each other and kiss, smiling. Kendall pulls him in closer, wrapping his arms around his back, pulling him onto the bed so he’s sprawled out on top of Kendall. They keep kissing, pulling back occasionally to smile and laugh at each other. Soon they’re both tangled in blankets and pillows, both of them throwing off pieces of blankets sporadically, kissing every second they can manage.

 

“This feels kind of stupid,” Kendall starts between kisses. “But I kind of want to ask you to marry me right now.” They kiss again, briefly, and then, “Which - I mean - we’re not even dating.”

 

Logan takes a second to look at him, fond smile on his face as he holds Kendall’s face in his hands, kissing him again. “That _is_ a stupid question -” he says, “of _course_ I want to marry you right now.”

 

Kendall lets a huge goofy grin take over his face looking up at Logan before surging up to kiss him again.

 

The blankets are finally pushed enough to the side they’re not separating them. They’re slowly pressing up against each other when there’s a loud knock at the door, making them jump apart.

 

“Kendall! Logan! It’s time to get up!” Jennifer’s voice comes through the door loud and clear. “Breakfast’s ready!”

 

Kendall and Logan look awkwardly from each other to the door. Finally, when she knocks again gently, Kendall speaks up so she doesn’t come searching within their room. “We’re up, Mom!”

 

“Okay - don’t wanna be late!” She says, and they can hear her footsteps go back down the hallway.

 

Kendall drops back down onto his bed and lets out a sigh. “Can we please get our own place now?”

 

Logan chuckles at him, snuggling up again. “Yeah, of course. Where else are we gonna put our kids?”

 

Kendall frowns at him a second, but Logan just smiles broadly, shrugging. All Kendall can do is let his small smile show on his face, a hand winding through Logan’s hair. “I love you,” he says, matter of factly.

 

Logan responds immediately in the same tone, lacing a hand through Kendall’s free one. “I love you too.”

 

\--- THE END ---

**Author's Note:**

> Excessive notes necessary, so here!
> 
> \- When I started writing this I had almost no Sid/Geno or Pittsburgh Penguins feelings. Upon completion, I have read several novel length fics, my heart aches, and I have several Penguin fan items. It just happened. I feel very awkward about it, but I had that name drop planned from the start.
> 
> \- There are a few hockey/playoff inconsistencies here - I am bending them to fit the story and technically I don't know that they're *not* true.
> 
> \- The dream timeline actually goes a bit wonky - the previous fic is the morning of Game 7. Here the dreams are pre-game 6, then post game 6. (Oh also the Pens win game 7 in this scenario, I'm SORRY but it's the two-headed otp monster (plus Flower!!!) vs the Wild, so honestly.)
> 
> \- I love the alternate canon of doctor!Logan and hockey pro!Kendall - so it was always my wish to see that come true, especially since in my headcanon they do that and get married and adopt/have surrogate babies! So that was part of why I wanted to write this.
> 
> \- I may or may not have switched up which guy was Daddy and which was Papa, also possibly the children's names, but I will fall on "it's a dream!" because I'm lazy. Also my reasoning for some of that has changed.
> 
> \- Yes, Kendall and Logan *do* have the exact same dream. Yes, both times. IT'S A SOULMATE THING, DEAL.
> 
> \- Yes, Kendall and Logan do the Right Thing and break up with Jo and Camille almost immediately. I am not going to write it. I may or may not write a different fic where they do break up with the girls in spectacular fashion because they are getting married. SHHHHH I'm working on the idea in my head.
> 
> \- The original plan was just a kiss! And yet - marriage proposal popped out I stand behind it a hundred percent.


End file.
